we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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