dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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