Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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