I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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