I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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