I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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