There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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