my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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