he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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