For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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