so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
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What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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