My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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