I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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