you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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