I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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