I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize