The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
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I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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