Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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