So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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