i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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