she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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