If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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