I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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