I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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