I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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