I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize