i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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