i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize