We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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