Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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