I think my fart just growled at me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize