Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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