Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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