Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize