Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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