It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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