Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize