i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
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PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry about my life...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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