I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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