my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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