I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize