i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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