So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Still dying that you shit outside
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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