things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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