I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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