i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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