i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize