nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Its about making memories worth repressing
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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