They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize