She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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